A POP Original Series
- I don't know why I'm feeling this like deep,
aching sense of dread.
- David, I'm more than capable of looking after your store
while you and Stevie work the flea market.
- Why did Patrick have to book today of all days
for his tax seminar?
Like who voluntarily goes to a tax seminar?
- Maybe the kinds of people who want to keep their businesses?
- Okay, hi.
You are literally only here to receive a package.
So I cannot have you distracted your phone...
unless there's an emergency. And then immediately call--
- Call Patrick. I know!
- No! Patrick is at the tax seminar!
Are you hearing anything I'm saying?!
- Yes. Stay off your phone. Wait for the delivery man
to drop off whatever. You can trust me.
Okay, can I?
Because the last time I left you in charge of something--
- Ugh! This is about those stupid Tamagotchi?
- Actually it is. - Okay guys--
- You left me with six of them, David.
Taking care of that many is like a full-time job!
- I left you with six adult Tamagotchis in perfect health!
And by the time I came home, they were all dead.
You have to like actively murder them
in order for that to happen! - Okay, David,
um, as much as I love carrying out all these boxes by myself,
I think she's going to be okay,
so maybe you could give me a hand?
- How did David con you into this anyway?
- It gives me an excuse to take a break from rehearsals
with your mom for a day?
Um, last night she texted me at 3 A.M.
and all it said was "leggings."
- Hmm... - We have to go.
- Um, you're welcome, by the way, David.
Who knows, maybe after today
you'll finally stop talking about... Tamagotchi.
- Unlikely....murderer.
[Bell jingles, door shuts]
♪♪♪
[Engine hums]
- Unfortunately for everyone, John,
Stevie turned out to be quite the find.
She'll need a lot of direction obviously, but...
you know, ballet intensive,
perhaps some mittens to curb the nail biting.
- Moira, I love the way you pour yourself
into your projects.
But the whole point of this spa trip
was to take a breather from cabaret.
- Yes John. I promise to enjoy the 60 minutes I'll spend
having my deepest tissues palpated.
Then a few sips of cucumber water.
Factor in five minutes for you to use the facilities
and we'll be back home by noon.
- And we're not rushing through this, Moira.
We've got an entire day of treatments ahead of us.
Today is for slowing down,
and getting reacquainted with our bodies.
- Okay, just please give me a moment to make a decision
on this chaise lounge.
- Oh, put the phone down, Moira.
Whatever it is can wait.
- It's for Fraulein Schneider's Salon.
Do you prefer the olive suede to the merlot?
Similar texture but falls apart in emotional complexity.
- I can't look right now, Moira. I'm driving.
- All right. I'll hold it up for you.
- No, Moira, I can't right now.
- It's just a quick glance, John!
- All right, then you need to hold it straighter.
That... [thud] oh-oh, what was that?
- A tiny speed bump. - Speed bump?
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Why would there be a speed bump?
No, I think I, I think I hit an animal.
- Oh, it's the circle of life, John.
You've just provided a nice Passover Seder
for a family of hawks.
[Door opens]
No... ew...
[Door shuts]
[Door opens] - John,
don't get too close, dear.
We can't afford you contracting mange.
- It's a cat, Moira. I hit a cat!
- Well, what kind of ailurophobe
sends their kitty out to play
on such a busy stretch of highway?
- It's got a collar! This is someone's pet.
- [Sighs]
- There's a farmhouse right there,
probably belongs to them.
[Metal grinds]
- Or not.
♪♪♪
- Okay, so this is really good,
we just need everything facing forward. Facing forward.
Facing forward. See what I'm doing here?
Stevie: Okay, like a serial killer?
[Jewellery clinks] - David Rose! [Chuckles]
- Oh God! - Would you look at that?
If this isn't a full circle moment,
then I'm not twice divorced. - My God, Wendy!
- [Gasps] This must be your wife.
- No. - God, no.
- No, no, Wendy, this is my friend, Stevie.
Stevie, this is Wendy.
Wendy used to employ me at the Blouse Barn.
- I'm so sorry, I don't mean to jump to conclusions.
I guess I've got marriage on the brain again.
If you can believe it, I'm engaged!
- Hmm, wow. - Congratulations.
- Well, you know what they say about love,
it's like target practice,
if you just keep shooting at it...
Anyway, David, I was hoping you would have settled down by now!
- Oh, I actually own this business with my partner.
- Get outta town!
- I know, I am as shocked as you are.
- Well, I guess that makes us flea buddies.
I've got my own booth.
- Wow, so we're reopening the Blouse Barn?
- Oh, no, no, no, just test driving a new business idea,
brought to me by my new partner, Antonio.
- Antonio!
What are you doing?
Come over here, so I can show you off!
[Footsteps thud lightly]
- Hey.
- Well, Antonio, say hi to everyone.
- [Softly] Hi. - You look very familiar.
Have I seen you in my store before?
- I don't think so.
- Okay.
He seems sweet.
- He reminds me a lot of you.
- Well, isn't that a compliment. For him.
- I better get back and help Tony set up the booth.
It was such a treat seeing you, David!
And you, Karen!
- Karen's a new one.
- I have definitely seen that guy in my store before.
- Do you think that Wendy knows her fianc?
has been checking out every guy in here?
- She has the worst taste in men.
At one point, she told me
she was looking for a Jon Gosselin type.
[Door opens]
- Sorry, we're closed.
- Very funny.
- Ugh, I was hoping you were the delivery guy.
- Thanks. - No, I'm just like, so bored.
- Well, I am not the delivery guy, but I come bearing gifts.
- But I didn't pay for that.
- I know, I got it at the flea market.
- Thank you for the delivery.
Do you need my signature?
Oops.
- Oh... wow!
- [Giggling]
- Uh...um, miss,
seems that the strap has fallen off of your shoulder.
I'd offer to put it back for you,
but as a delivery guy,
I don't know if it's my place.
- Oh, how respectful.
Now, if only you had that much respect for my time.
I've been waiting here forever.
- Um, sorry that I'm late...
my... grandmother passed this morning.
- Ew! Oh my God, Ted!
- Sorry, I wasn't prepared for an improv.
- No, it's fine, it's fine. [Clears throat]
- Okay, what else weren't you prepared for?
- The... import taxes? - Hmm...
- Okay, obviously I'm not good at this,
can we just skip to the good part?
- Yes. Okay. [Giggling]
- So, you and I just innocently witnessed
an 18-wheeler barreling down--
- Moira, I'm just gonna be honest, all right?
There was an accident, it was tragic, unavoidable,
and then we'll be on our way.
- Mm-kay. [Knocks on door]
[Door opens]
- Can I help you?
- What--beautiful day, isn't it?
- Crops need rain. - Yes, yes.
Oh, as they often do.
Um... well, we just had an unfortunate thing--
- My husband struck down your feline with our car.
- Well, we don't necessarily know
whether the cat belongs to this uh, gentleman.
Well, what did it look like?
The name on the tags was "Sergio"?
[Rooster crows] - Well, that was him.
- Oh, these city people driving too damn fast
up and down this road.
- No, I-I don't think speed was-was the thing here.
- No, my husband has what's called a feather foot.
- Well then, why did you stop?
- We thought it was... the decent thing to do.
- Um, now that's done,
and we have a very pressing engagement so.
- Well, my wife is so right,
we're running very late right now.
- The Hammam Spas are notoriously fickle about refunds.
- You're going to the spa?
- Well, that does sound important,
but since you just killed my daughter's cat,
coming inside to break the news to her
might be a little bit more important.
Don't you think?
- Hm, John, shall I pick you up on the way back?
I know how desperate you were for me to have my day of detox.
- No! No, Moira!
I think it's better if you... come inside with me,
so we can uh,
break the news together.
David: Okay, this is the last of them,
unless you wanted me to bring in the 14 coffee cups
and 3 empty chip bags that are also in your back seat?
- Mhmm. David, remember when you thought Wendy's partner
had been in your store before?
- He has been in my store before.
- Well, I think I know why he wasn't being
so upfront about it.
- Okay, I know what you're gonna say,
and I also thought that he was into me for a second,
but I'm pretty sure that's just his face.
- No. Look over at their booth,
and tell me you don't notice any similarities.
- What the actual fuck?! - I know.
- They've ripped off our entire store.
- Yeah.
- Tulips instead of roses? Woof!
Similar products. The labels even look like ours.
- Except, their stuff's half price.
- What?
Well, we have a very loyal customer base
who would not be fooled by some skanky knockoff.
- Okay, Dave, I'm ready to check out here.
- Roland! What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be at the motel!
- I'm on my coffee break, and I ran out of foot cream.
Those are 3 for 15, yes? - These are not from our store.
- Well, what are you talking about?
I just got 'em off your table over there.
- That's not our table.
- Well then, why were you standing there?
- That's not me! And he's still standing there!
Okay um, do you want the sale, or not?
- Uh no, you can buy our superior foot cream
at a slightly higher price.
- Geez. You were a lot nicer
when I was talking to you over there.
[Rooster crows, cow moos]
- [Whispers] How far do you think we'd get
if we just started running?
- When might we expect your daughter to show up,
because we do have a very busy day ahead of us?
[Laughs nervously] - Well, baby's still sleeping,
but if you wanna go and wake her up,
tell her what happened, by all means.
- Where is Bebe's chamber?
[Footsteps creak]
- Oh, there she is now.
She's either up, or takin' a leak.
- Either way, great progress for Bebe.
- Here she is.
- What's all this?
Who are you?
Uh, hi, Johnny Rose, Baby.
This is my uh-- - Sergio's dead!
- Ugh.
- What the hell?
- Yes, it seems he had taken ill,
and stumbled out on the road poor thing,
presumably to end it all.
- And then?
- And then we ran over him.
[Upset exhales]
[Sobbing]
- Anyway, this feels like a very private family moment...
that we're more than willing to share.
- [Sobbing]
[Car rumbles by]
- That's for you.
Clearly that brand loyalty you were talking about
is really paying off.
- Like to pay you off to not be here anymore.
- Roland, what are you still doing here?
- This will only take a second.
Dave, I don't know if you remember or not,
but I purchased some foot cream from you earlier?
- That wasn't our foot cream.
- Yeah, okay, well you took my 15 bucks,
and now I'd like a refund,
because I realized I've used this stuff before,
and it makes my feet stink. - Give me that.
[Sniffs] Ugh!
It smells like pennies and burps!
- Oh yeah! Wait, that smells exactly like the stuff
we used to use at the motel.
- Ugh. - Like, exactly.
Wait a second...
[Paper rips]
- [Gasps]
- That's why!
Gel Time Moist Liquid.
- [Scoffs] - Contains 100% moist liquid.
- Uh-oh, Davey got busted!
Okay, this is not our product, Roland!
Anyone who sells counterfeit luxury beauty products
is clearly a sociopath.
- Dave, I don't wanna tell you how to run your business,
but 3 or 15 dollars for Gel Time is a total rip-off.
I mean, pharmacies hand those out for free on Halloween.
- David, you have to talk to Wendy.
David: Okay, what am I gonna tell her?
That her curious life partner, who looks nothing like me,
is some big old con artist?
[Roland laughs]
- $18 for toner?
Why don't you just on some Gel Time?
That stuff will strip your skin right off.
[Sniffs] Ooh.
- Whoa! That was...
- I know, like are good, but that was like--
- You pulled some new tricks out.
- New to you.
- Anyway, David should leave you in charge
of the store more often.
- Um...Ted, the door was unlocked the entire time!
- What?
- Someone could've like, walked in on us.
- They would've gotten quite the show!
- It's very...irresponsible and dangerous of us.
- Well, now we know for next time.
- Oh, um, I almost forgot,
I never signed for that parcel.
- Uh, I don't think the guy showed up?
- No, Ted...
- Oh uh...oh, yeah I-I'd get your signature,
but I guess I left my clipboard
and scanner thing somewhere, so.
- Do you think it might be in David's new bathroom?
Apparently it's just for customers,
but he never lets anyone use it.
- I remember now, I definitely left my scanner thing in there.
- Mhm... let's go-let's go find your scanner thing.
- Can I just request we actually drop the scanner
thing bit just 'cause it's kinda throwing me off.
- Yeah, okay.
- Oh, this is nice!
- Uh-oh! Is that a sink?
Oh! A sink it is!
[Door slams]
Alexis: Help me up, babe.
[Sink thuds to floor, Alexis screams]
Ted: Oh my God! Alexis: Fuck! Ugh!
- [Sobbing]
- How are we still trapped in this gothic horror show?
- You know, I think we've already missed the seaweed wrap,
and at this rate, it's not looking good for the salt scrub.
You know, I wish there was something else we could do here,
but uh, I really feel we've overstayed our welcome.
- Yes, we should really hit the road.
- In that big, fancy car of yours?
- Oh it's-it's big, but it's not that fancy.
- Listen folks,
we don't want much,
but you should cover the expenses of the funeral.
- The funeral...for your cat?
- Well, it was Baby's only cat.
- Perhaps it's the lack of air,
but I believe I saw three or four cats
running around since this interrogation began.
- It was my only tabby.
Okay, well maybe there's something we can do.
- Does Bebe enjoy the theatre?
- Hmm?
- How about two complimentary,
partially-obstructed view seats to Cabaret?
- No! She likes the Kinky Shoes.
- You got tickets to Kinky Shoes?
- I believe it's Kinky Boots. And no.
John: Well, maybe a professional massage
might help ease Baby's pain.
- I like massages.
- So, now you're taking Bebe to the spa?
- No, I wouldn't be taking her Moira,
but maybe Baby can take her uh, grandmother.
I'm her mother! - Yes, well that--
- Yes, you are!
And you are going to adore the rejuvenating facial peel.
- Can I keep the slippers?
- This is my favourite after shave.
Wendy: This is for you.
- Go! - Okay.
Wendy: On my feet... [Chatter continues]
- Hi. Wendy, hi!
- David! Isn't this great?
The two of us, back together!
Successful in business! Successful in love.
- Mhmm, totally. - Quick question for you, Wen--
- You know, when Antonio came to me with this idea,
I wasn't sure there was a market
for another general store.
Everyone is doing them now.
- Yeah, I was one of the first, but I get it.
- And they sell all the same stuff.
I'm sure you've noticed a similarity
between our products and yours. - Sure did.
Wendy can I speak with you for a moment?
- Sure.
Why don't we go over to your booth?
It's so much quieter.
- Okay.
Um, I don't wanna be the one to have to tell you this,
but it's about your fianc?...
- You know Brad?
- Who's Brad? - My fiance.
- I thought you and Antonio were...
- Oh David... [Laughs]
We're business partners.
- Oh! Okay.
Well, that's gonna make this a little easier.
Turns out Antonio is a common criminal.
- What? - Stevie give me the--
Look at this, please.
- [Reads] 100% moist liquid?
Antonio said it was locally sourced.
- Sure. If you consider the dollar store local.
These sell for 99 cents.
- Well, he's been charging me way more!
- I'm so sorry, you had to hear this.
- No, David,
I'm glad you told me.
I was gonna go into business with this person.
And I'm ashamed to say,
in my weaker moments,
I've been tempted to cheat on poor, sweet Brad.
- With Antonio?
- Well, obviously you picked up
on the intense heat between us
if you thought we were a couple. - Yeah.
Wendy, for several reasons
I think you need to say goodbye to Antonio.
- Ugh. How I'm gonna tell Brad.
He and Antonio are roommates.
They share this tiny one-bedroom together.
And it is so crowded in there,
they had to put the mirror on the ceiling.
- Yeah. Best to shut all that down, I think.
- David,
what would I do without you?
- I literally don't know, Wendy.
- [Pensive exhale] You wanna get high?
- No, but thank you. - Okay.
- Okay. So, the delivery man came in,
used the bathroom,
somehow broke the sink,
and then left without delivering the package.
- That is correct.
- I just find it strange that he would then leave a note
saying, "sorry I missed you".
- Yeah. No...
I think he meant, like, sorry I missed you.
Because I was here the entire time.
And I actually think that he was like a little bit drunk,
because he knocked over a lot of things.
- And you were here for this?
- Um, no...
- Well, you were here for part of it.
- Right. But I got here late...
my grandmother passed away.
- Oh God! - A few years ago.
And it just been real tough to get over.
- Mhmm.
Well, fortunately we had these security cameras installed,
so I guess I'll just show that to the insurance people?
I don't really know how this works,
Patrick went to that seminar.
- Oh. Um...
honestly, I-I don't think that you wanna do that.
- You said that I could trust you.
First, the Tamagotchies, now this!
Get out of my store.
- Okay, fine. You can take the money for the sink
out of what you were going to pay me for today.
- I wasn't planning on paying you anything.
Get out!
You too. Very disappointed.
- And if we're pointing fingers, David,
I've done it on a lot of sinks and I've never had an issue.
- When you say you've done it on a lot of sinks--
- Out!
- Hmm. [Bell jingles over door]
- Ugh! I don't wanna touch this.